Chief Security Officer Freddy

When I purchased a couple of security cameras recently, my goal was simple: a little extra peace of mind.

As a woman living alone, it feels good to know who's coming and going around my apartment. The cameras are set up, the notifications are working, and apparently so is the artificial intelligence.

I have the system configured to detect people, vehicles, and pets. Naturally, one of the first alerts I received was for a squirrel running along the retaining wall behind my apartment.

The camera confidently classified the squirrel as a pet.

To be fair, it was small, furry, and appeared to be minding its own business, so I suppose the technology did its best.

Meanwhile, Freddy has taken his role in home security very seriously. Between regular perimeter patrols, visitor screening, and ongoing squirrel surveillance, he has officially earned a promotion to Chief Security Officer.

To commemorate his service, I ordered him an official uniform.

His department?

Threat Assessment Division.

His primary responsibilities include:
• Squirrel Surveillance
• Perimeter Patrol
• Visitor Screening
• Treat Acquisition

While the cameras may occasionally mistake a squirrel for a pet, Freddy remains committed to maintaining the highest standards of home security.

I sleep a little easier knowing the house is protected by modern technology and one very dedicated Chief Security Officer.

Stay safe out there, friends. The squirrels are getting bold.